Unworthy
by skrom
Summary: To say that Ichigo Kurosaki is not interested in anyone is false, because in truth, he does like somebody. He is a guy, after all. He just doesn't have the best of luck in the world to be free to tell her, to hold her, to have her. TWO-SHOT.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.

To say that Ichigo Kurosaki is not interested in anyone is false, because in truth, he does like somebody. He is a guy, after all. He just doesn't have the best of luck in the world to be free to tell her, to hold her, to have her.

As a full-time student and full-time substitute _shinigami,_ there really is no time for himself, no time to date, and not even a chance to just talk to her, get her alone and maybe tell her how he feels. Something always comes up to ruin the moment—a hollow or hollows, a spirit that hasn't passed on to Soul Society, homework, a horde of _Menos_ (or sometimes shinigami from the Soul Society), exams, chalk, sleep, Keigo. He can't catch a break. But he would bear it, for his mom. This is what she would have wanted.

He continues to serve and protect Karakura for the conviction that it would make his mother happy, even at the risk of his own happiness. Besides, it's not like a happy ever after with her is possible anyway, even if he wasn't a substitute shinigami. She is too lovely for words and he is not worthy of her, even more so if he's got nothing to offer. There is no normalcy in his life. It is a life filled with danger, and hurt, and loss and uncertainties.

She deserves so much better. She deserves a guy who can make her dreams come true, who can love her and give her everything she deserves, a guy who can make her very, very happy.

His heart wept admitting that to himself.

The depressing thought finally made Ichigo turn from staring at her to look out the window. Tomorrow, they graduate. He heard she'll be studying Education in Tokyo. The news shattered his heart to pieces.

In his heart, he's sworn to protect this girl. But his assignment and oath to Karakura Town is the one recognized by Soul Society, by his friends, by his mother. He told himself he will stay in his station.

But that doesn't really stop him from feeling like a part of him is lost. If he can't protect the woman he loves, then he has failed, the way he failed his mother. He feels torn, broken...lonely. How can he protect Karakura if his heart is somewhere else?

The last bell rings, marking the end of high school. It took awhile for Ichigo to awaken from his stupor. He tried to move quickly, but by then it was too late, Keigo had already slammed him to the ground, washing him in melodramatic tears. "I will miss you Ichigo! High school has been the best with you! You are the coolest guy I know, and I am so glad you are my friend!"

He was too busy trying to keep Keigo's snot from going in his mouth to notice the gray eyes watching him sadly. Finally, using one hand, Sado pulls Keigo to his feet, off of tear-drenched Ichigo. Ichigo is relieved to see that Keigo had focused his drama on Sado, which the Mexican, as usual, had not much reaction to.

He started to brush himself off, and motioned to get his bag. But when he looked up, his eyes met her sparkling gray ones. Immediately, the scowl on his face softened and his heart seemed to have stopped beating. She's always had this effect on him, eversince. It's something about her eyes, her hair, maybe it's her smile or the way she spoke, maybe it's the way she tucks that lock of hair behind her ear. Maybe it's not one thing, but all those amazing little things together...and he will miss terribly all of those little things that make her her.

"So will you go?"

Ichigo realized she had asked him a question. He quietly berated himself for sinking in his thoughts too much."Huh?"

"Tomorrow, 6pm, after the ceremony, everyone's going over to play board games at my apartment. It's like a little farewell get-together." He was quiet still, trying to comprehend what she was saying. But it's so hard when he gets so distracted, drowning in those beautiful eyes.

"I mean, high school's over. But not our friendship, right?"

Not our friendship... "Yes, sure, I'll be there." In the back of his head, he begs to the universe to have hollows postpone their visits to Karakura for another day.

"Yay! Well, I'll see you tomorrow then. And by the way, congratulations!" She spun on her heel, auburn waves billowing around her. The smell of vanilla-lavender wafted up his nose. He is entranced, so lovely, so pure, so sweet...He watched as she walked away, the sight of her retreating back shattered his world...so far, so impossible.


	2. Chapter 2

Later that night, Ichigo drowned deeper in his melancholy. The third hollow—hopefully the last—of this night appeared around 2 am, and with almost three years of doing this same thing everyday, every night, he slashed this one in half with little to no effort. The past few weeks, he lost all the excitement from this job, as if he's drained of all the adrenaline in his system. It is no longer a challenge.

Maybe a burden, even. Ichigo thought but almost immediately shook his head, clearing himself of the thought. I will not shame myself and break my oath. If I must be unhappy, if I must be broken, so be it.

He made his way back home hoping to catch a good night's sleep this time before he marches on to emptiness tomorrow. Tomorrow, after they bid each other their farewells, his heart will leave and Ichigo Kurosaki will no longer be just part hollow. He will be hollow.

Ichigo chuckled to himself at the thought. As he flashed step his way home, he caught sight of her apartment building. Many times at night, he'd be so tempted to give in to his longing for her and go see her, make sure she's okay, make sure she sleeps soundly, make sure she doesn't disappear from his reach again...The two sides of him would argue, trying to reason with each other.

 _To watch her sleeping, that would be weird and creepy! She would slap me if she knew what I was doing._

 _She is too kind, she would do no such thing. She can't even harm a fly._

 _Then, does that mean it's okay? It's not, but she would never find out._

Ichigo growled in frustration. Still, he stopped in his tracks on mid-air. Whether it's right or wrong, this might be the only chance you'll get to hold her. And without giving it another thought, he went for her window. He found her sleeping, muttering incomprehensible words under her breath. When he drew closer, he realized they were actual words-just not words that went together-"Peanut butter, aliens, dancing red bean paste..." A smile cracked his scowling facade. She always tugs at his heartstrings no matter how silly she can be.

Around her, he saw boxes and bags. She's packed most of her things, half of her room was empty. She is leaving in two days. This reminder made Ichigo's heart weep and rattle against his rib cage like a wild animal raging for freedom.

In his heartbreak, he finds himself moving towards her, towering over her bed and watching her every line, every curve, every crevice. Can I at least have this moment as consolation for not being able to have you?

Dressed in hello kitty pajamas, she slept on her back, with the covers covering the lower half of her body. She had one arm on her side, the other under her pillow. He hesitates for a second and then takes her hand in his. Soft they were, hands that heal, that protect, that care. He loves her hands.

Her long, silky auburn hair fanned across her pillow and sheets, some locks plastered themselves on her face. He loves her hair.

Ichigo thought she looked adorable. Just the sight of her like that is enough to melt him like butter. He slowly, gently brushes the locks away from her face, giving him an unobstructed view of her most beautiful face. She had thick long lashes that kissed her rosy cheeks; she had skin like alabaster, and lips so full, so pink, how he loves her face. She is far too beautiful to be real.

He continued to gaze upon her, wondering how his heart can love every inch of her immensely, how his heart can contain such a love, how he can ever live without her. In two days, she leaves and he will be empty. He didn't want to let go.

He wonders what it would feel like to be close to her. He gives in to his curiosity, drawing closer every second. Closer and closer...He is inches away from her face, her breath fanning on him. He is enjoying this proximity, and his heart begs for more, to fill the void inside him and move closer. He feels curious— _Do I dare?_ He feels longing— _You are so precious to me._ He feels overwhelmed— _I want you to know_. He feels daring,— _If only to touch once, to hold once, to kiss once..._

The world stops when their lips touch, ever so slightly—a feathery touch but he drowns int the sweet smell of vanilla-lavender and the tstrawberry taste of her mouth. A thousand emotions swarm over him—a warmth in his cheeks, a burning, a fluttering in his stomach, a weakness in his knees, a restlessness in his arms, a dizzying in his head, a skipping—no, a bursting in his chest. He wants more, so much more of her, but before he is unable to stop himself, he pulls away.

His cheeks flame red and he sees her smile below him. Before he loses all reason, he drags himself away, and stalked towards the window. He hesitates before he takes his leave and glances at her one more time. If only to calm these raging emotions once...Ichigo whispers,"I love you, Inoue."


End file.
